


The Yeti and The Dick

by TammyRenH



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jared, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Spit As Lube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:54:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TammyRenH/pseuds/TammyRenH
Summary: Jared and Jensen are co-workers who really, really don’t like each other. Then they get locked in a room.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 31
Kudos: 159





	The Yeti and The Dick

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying for enemies to lovers which I have never written, and ended up on annoying co-workers to lovers. Oh well. Tech companies are probably nothing like this, but this is a fantasy. Speaking of fantasy, unlike the Js, always use a condom.
> 
> Welcome to my SMPC, gratuitous sex ahead.

Jensen is a dick.

He is also brutally handsome, has charm for fucking days, could bat those sweet eyes at the most obstinate client and they’d be signing their life away in three seconds flat.

And its criminal what he looks like in those custom-made suits he wears that fit him like a second skin. Like he really should be arrested for making the rest of the human race look plain and ordinary in comparison.

Especially Jared in his ratty jeans and his unending supply of black t-shirts with nerdy slogans.

But underneath his perfect looks Jensen Ackles is snide, egotistical, and a perpetual thorn in Jared’s side.

He is sitting at the conference table now, legs sprayed wide, like he fucking owns the place. He catches Jared looking at him and winks.

Jared doesn’t give him the satisfaction of a response. 

Chad bursts into the meeting, late as always.

“Don’t shut that door,” Jeffrey orders. “Somethings going on with it, locks every times it shuts. Getting someone to check it out later.” 

Chad takes his normal place beside Jared. “I could fix it; you could pay me instead. I’m cheap, ask anyone I’ve ever dated.”

“Chad, no one with common sense would let you anywhere near a tool of any kind.” Jeffrey states. “And also, next time I have a meeting, be on fucking time.” 

Chad nods, but everyone in the room knows it’s a miracle Chad remembered there was a meeting at all, and there is zero chance he will ever be on time for anything. 

Jeffrey sighs and gets back on task, “Jared, if you would like to show us what your team has been working on, the floor is yours.”

“Oh great, get ready for a babble-a-thon.” Jensen’s voice is two tones too loud for a stage whisper.

More than few people in attendance giggle, including Chad who Jared would consider a traitor if he didn’t know for absolute certain that Chad is, as usual, high.

Jeffrey gives Jensen a chiding look. Jensen gives Jeffrey his best appropriation of sincere contrition.

Jared hasn’t even begun his presentation and already he feels off his game.

Jensen is a dick.

Jared pushes over the laptop to Chad, Chad’s brain might be nothing but smoke residue, but he can push buttons with the best of them. Jared stands in front of the room and begins his spiel. 

His team has been working on this for months, a fantasy game that utilizes mathematical skills as a leveling up tool. It’s aimed at fourth to eighth graders, the rewards and hidden game play bonuses increase as the math gets more complex. He is about half of the way through the presentation when Jensen raises his hand.

Jared ignores him, goes barreling along with the explanation of how the algorithm they embed in enhances the learning experience, but Chad, being his normal oh-so-helpful self, pauses the program. “I think Jensen has a question.”

Jared bites down one of several snarky comments. “Yes, Jensen?” 

“Can you like condense this a whole lot? I’ve got to sell this to the clients, and they’d be snoring about fifteen minutes into this math nerd festival.”

“You are literally selling this to math nerds, it was created as an educational tool for middle school math instructors.” Jared does not add ‘idiot’ but hopes it was strongly implied. “However, if it helps you understand, I’ll be happy to draw you some pictures with bright crayons and bring it to you in the morning.”

“Okay listen Bigfoot – “

“Boys,” Jeffrey takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, never a good sign. “Jared, thank you for the presentation. The program looks very promising. When the test run is complete, I want to discuss options with you. In the meantime, you two work out a time to discuss this because Jensen will need concise selling points. I have another meeting in five, so this one is finished.” 

The room clears out quickly, everyone scurrying to their desks and their assignments, except for Chad who strolls out leisurely, scratching his ass as he wanders down the hall.

Jared gathers up his things as Jensen chews on the gum he seems to have perpetually on hand, legs still sprawled out obscenely. 

“I’m fucking great at my job, but I have no idea how I’m going to get clients lined up for this.” Jensen says, running a hand through his short spiky hair. “Even Jeffrey was bored silly by your presentation, couldn’t even pretend to be interested enough to watch the whole thing.”

Jared counts to five, it doesn’t help.

“Do you want me to go over this with you now? I promise to use tiny words so that your itty-bitty brain won’t get overwhelmed.”

Jensen grins, stands up and stretches. “Nothing tiny about me sweetheart.”

Jared stands tall, something he rarely does, as he hates the idea that people might be intimidated by him. But now he pulls his shoulders back, chest out, he towers over Jensen and fuck that feels good. “I’m pretty sure there is nothing not tiny about you.”

Jensen narrows his eyes. “I bet I can prove you wrong.”

Not only is Jensen a dick, his dick is the subject of much discussion in the office. Almost everyone, male or female, taken or not, wants a chance to kneel in front of Jensen and worship at the altar of Jensen’s dick.

Everyone except Jared of course.

“Let me just get a microscope – “ Jared says now, glancing down at Jensen’s crotch and squinting his eyes.

“If you get a ruler instead, I’m game.”

“I’m proportional all over, sweetheart.” Jared replies, deliberately using the endearment Jensen called him earlier

“I’m not,” Jensen asserts, smug smile still firmly planted on his stupid smug face.

Dick.

Jared sighs, he has a job to do, a focus group to gather. “Do you have time to do this now or I’m free after lunch.”

Jensen picks up his pad which he had been doodling on during the meeting. Several of the doodles are of a man with long hair and unflattering features. “Nah, I’ve got a thing now. How about we meet at six?”

It’s Friday, by six Jared planned to be headed home. “I need it to be earlier.”

Jensen shrugs. “Sorry, that’s the only time I have available. We meet at six or you can tell Jeffrey that you can’t work me into your schedule.“

Dick, dick, dick, dick.

“Fine, I’ll see you at six.”

It is a busy day, discussions with his team, unexpected glitches, a zoom meeting with a classroom teacher who has offered her students as betas.

By the time six rolls around, Jared is tired, cranky and in no mood to deal with Jensen.

Jeffrey runs a tight ship, but he’s big on family and the concept that work should never be the totality of a person’s life. There is a reason that almost everyone in the office calls him Big Daddy (but never to his face), he cares about his employees, their families (or in Jared’s case, his pets) and this is one of the few places Jared has ever worked that he has not had to take work home, or give up his weekends, unless a deadline for a project is dangerously near.

Jeffrey left work at three because he is taking his wife and kids to the lake for the weekend and most of his other employees left soon after with Jeffrey’s blessing. Jared is more than ready to leave too.

He puts everything in his backpack, his laptop, some concepts for a new project he is considering, even his phone because he wants no distractions. He grabs the paper on which he had hurriedly typed out the main points Jensen should use in his sales pitch and a few pens and a bottle of water that has been on his desk unopened so long it’s gone lukewarm. He leaves the backpack behind because he can just hear the comments Jensen would make about it (which might or might not have several of the Doctors gracing it) and heads for the conference room.

Jensen is sitting there, impatience clear in his body language. Fuck him, he’s the one who wanted to meet at this ridiculous time.

“Oh nice,” Jensen says, grabbing the paper from Jared. “Low tech.”

“Okay, let’s just get through this.” Jared replies. “These are the points I think you should – “

“Do I tell you how to do your job?” Jensen interrupts, like the rude fuck he is.

Jared sighs. Thinks about hitting him with the water bottle but nobly decides against it. “Yes, all the time.”

Jensen huffs. “Because you need the help. Me, on the other hand, I am good at my job. Just tell me about this program without giving yourself a hard on by going into algorithms and tech-nerd things no other person with a life care about. And I’ll figure out how to sell this.”

“Awesome,” Jared replies through gritted teeth. “The most important part of the – “

“Hey J-man!” Jared almost jolts out of his chair. Jensen sniggers at him as Chad carries on, unaware that he startled Jared. “I got me a date with the hot chick from the coffee cock – I mean shop, you know the one with pink hair? I probably need to figure out her name before I pick her up but anyway, whatever, I am without a doubt getting lucky so I can’t hang tonight but probably sometime this weekend okay man? As long as you are providing the beer.” Chad stops talking long enough to glance over at Jensen. “Oh, hi fuck-face, didn’t see you sitting there.”

“Fuck-face?” Jensen asks, all haughty tone.

“That’s what J-man calls you.” Chad says in reply.”Fuck, I am going to be late. Can’t keep my sure thing waiting.” He gives the glass door a few thumps for emphasize and without waiting for Jared to reply to anything he has said, slams the door shut and heads down the hallway.

“Like I was saying – “

Jared stops mid-sentence. They look at each other. They look at the closed door.

“Shit!” They say in unison and run to the door. It is locked. They bang on it several times, but Chad has apparently high tailed it out of there and nobody comes to their rescue.

“Call him,” Jensen orders. “Get his ass back here.”

Jared reaches in his pocket before remembering the phone isn’t there. He pushes his hair away from his eyes as he admits sheepishly. “I left my phone in my office.”

“That’s just awesome,” Jensen snaps. “Some brain trust you are.”

“Where is yours?” Jared asks pointedly.

Jensen hands it over to Jared. It is dead.

“Ever hear of a charger?” Jared asks, handing it back to him.

“Stopped working.” Jensen replies with a shrug.

“You are in sales and you don’t have a working phone? Were you communicating with your clients by walkie-talkie?” Jared asks.

“No Chewbacca, I was using the business phone Jeffrey issued me. Which is in the office, locked up in my desk, where it is supposed to be after I’ve made my last call for the day.”

“Awesome,” Jared says, a bit impressed that Jensen just made a Star Wars reference. “There is a night watchman, right? Should be coming around anytime.”

Jensen sits back at the table with a loud thump. “I think he spends most of the time on the first floor, sitting at the desk by the entrance. There are some companies in this building that work the night shift, but not on this floor.”

Jared resists the urge to pick up a chair and throw it, but barely.

“If we had this meeting at a decent fucking time this wouldn’t have happened.”

“If your friend’s brain wasn’t so fucking fried on low-grade grass, this wouldn’t have happened.” Jensen snaps back.

Jared opens his mouth to defend Chad, then closes it again. The description of Chad is pretty accurate.

“What are we going to do? I can’t spend all night here. There is no bathroom. There is no food. All we have is one bottle of water and I’m not sharing.” Jared grumbles.

Jensen grabs the water bottle, and twists the top off. Jared watches as those pretty pouty lips start to wrap around the top of the bottle, and nope he was not imagining at all those lips were wrapped around something else entirely, before stalking over and grabbing the water bottle out of Jensen’s hand. “That’s mine. Find your own.” Jared indicates the empty room.

Jensen stands and makes a grab for it; Jared just holds it up in the air. He might as well take advantage of being tall.

“The least you can do is share,” Jensen snaps.

“The least I can do is keep it for myself and that’s exactly what I intend to do.” Jared replies.

Jensen starts to stand on the chair he just vacated. Jared just walks away from the table. He might have murmured something about “Short people.” 

He has his back turned away from Jensen, so he is not prepared for the tackle from behind. He stumbles several feet, spinning in an attempt to throw Jensen off his back. He trips and hits the table hard and then elbows Jensen in the stomach as he struggles to get back up. Jensen just holds on tighter, the dick, and after a few moments of wrestling and calling each other unflattering names, the table moves forward unexpectedly, causing both of them to tumble to the floor.

Jared hits his chin hard as he lands, but still holds on to the water bottle as he protectively clutches it to his chest. He bucks his hips in an attempt to get Jensen off of him, but Jensen is acting like some kind of spider monkey, fingernails digging into Jared wherever he can reach.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Jared orders.

Jensen just digs his fingers into Jared’s arms deeper. Jared bucks and squirms but it is as if Jensen had somehow superglued himself to Jared.

He pushes his hips up, just to realize something is pressing against his ass.

“Is that a pencil or are you happy to see me?” Jared quips, ignoring the fact that he is at least half hard underneath his jeans. 

In response, Jensen grinds down harder. Okay his dick is definitely bigger than a pencil. Also, it has bene a while for Jared. Maybe too long, the way that his ass just insists on pressing back despite Jared’s feelings about Jensen.

“Gonna let me?” Jensen asks, voice deep and growly, as he reaches underneath Jared. For a second Jared thinks he is reaching for the water bottle and clutches it tighter, it is almost squashed beneath him now, but damn it, it is still his. But instead Jensen is reaching for his belt, fiddling with the buckle. “Gonna be good, let me in?”

Fuck that, no way. Jared is about to tell him just that when Jensen’s fingers graze his cock.“I see Jared Jr is all in.”

Jared is still going to say no, of course he is. He is going to head butt Jensen the fuck off of him and then find a way out of this room and free of Jensen.

But instead of no, he hears himself say, “We have no lube.”

“That’s okay, we don’t need it.” Jensen replies nonchalantly, cause it isn’t his ass on the line.

Jared hears a kind of a slurping sound and turns his head in time to see Jensen sucking his own fingers. He is sucking them like a porn star would a huge dick, lips wet with spit, tongue peeking out as it licks the fingers in his mouth.

Jared goes from mostly hard to let me find some nails to pound in 0.2 seconds. Water bottle forgotten, trapped beneath his chest, Jared undoes his own pants, pulling them down just enough to get them underneath his balls, his ass now exposed.

“That’s it.” Jensen says, and his spit-slick fingers are tracing Jared’s hole. “Knew you would just lie there and take it.”

“For the love of all things holy, stop talking and fuck me.” Jared snarls in return. 

His fingers push into Jared’s hole without warning. Jared hisses at the burn. Jared isn’t a novice at sex by any means, he knows spit is a sucky substitute for lube. But even with that knowledge, Jared pushes his ass into Jensen’s fingers, driving them in deeper.

“I don’t wanna say slut – “ Jensen says, breathing labored. “But - “

“Shut up.” Jared says, “If you are going to fuck me, fuck me otherwise just get the hell off of me.”

The fingers are gone, and Jared turns his head to the side again and catches a glimpse of a very nice looking cock, an inch or so shorter than Jared’s, a bit thicker than Jared’s, glistening at the tip, and of course it would be fucking perfect. Fucking Jensen.

Jensen isn’t any gentler with his cock then he was with his fingers, he just slams right in.

Jared curses, clenches his teeth as the burn keeps building, and curses again. “Jesus fuck, have you never done this before? Do you have any fucking clue what you are even doing?”

“Baby, you’ve never had it so good.” Jensen replies and yanks on Jared’s hips until he is on all fours. Jared’s cock has not been affected by the pain at all, it is hard still, dripping, aching.

“If you were half as good at fucking as you think you are at everything -“

Jensen pulls out and slams back in and fuck it still hurts, but no way is Jared going to admit that. Jensen’s fingernails dig into his hip, and he changes the angle slightly and then slams back in again and fuck, yeah, right there.

Jared is down on his elbows, body jolting with every thrust. Jensen only hits his prostrate every two or three thrusts, but what he lacks in accuracy he makes up in power. Jared’s body is lit up, sparking with every brutal press into his prostate.

“So tight, such a sweet, tight little hole.” Jensen’s voice is sex-slick as he continues to thrust into Jensen with intent. “Should have done this much sooner, should have done this your first day.”

“Is that all, you got?” Jared asks in return, and what the fuck was that? He is already going to be so sore tomorrow he’ll have to carry a pillow along wherever he goes. “Show me what you can do pretty boy.”

Jensen growls, yanks him up so that Jared’s hands are barely touching the floor and thrusts in so hard and fast that Jared has barely enough time to feel one sensation before being slammed with another.

His cock is demanding relief and Jared is wondering if he can balance on one hand and stroke his dick with the other, when Jensen plasters himself on to Jared’s back, thrusts in a couple of times in quick succession and then shudders so hard that Jared’s body shudders in tandem.

The bastard is coming, and Jared is still hard as fucking granite. “Fuck that was quick.” Jared grumbles. “Were you trying for a Guinness record or are just normally a two-pump Charlie?”

“Fuck you,” The words are forced out through pants of air. “I fucked you good, I can’t help it if your dick is too rusty to remember how to come.”

Jensen pulls out and Jared feels immediately empty, despite the come he can feel dripping down his thighs. With a put-upon sigh, Jared sits up and reaches for his dick.

A firm hand stops him.

“Okay listen you uber-bossy, Christian Grey wanna be. I’m going to stroke myself until I come, and you can just sit there and watch me or go stick your dick in an electric socket, I don’t care which.”

Jensen pulls his hand back. His face is flushed, his eyes dark and irises lust blown, and Jared tries not to think he is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Jensen stands up, pulls his pants up and fuck, Jared had intended to get another good look at that delicious cock and now it is all put away. “I was going to blow you, but if you just want to use your hands, your loss I guess.”

Jared removes his hand from his dick mid-stroke. His dick twitches several times, obviously as on board with this idea as Jared is. Sore ass totally forgotten. Jared grabs the closest chair and pulls it to him. Eyes never leaving Jensen, as if he blinks Jensen might change his mind, Jared yanks his pants down far enough he can spread his legs and then looks at Jensen hopefully.

“You are one eager little puppy, aren’t you?” Jensen gets down on his knees in front of Jared and Jared’s mind does it’s best to short-circuit. “I’ve been wanting to get a taste of this baby since the day I saw you in Jeffrey’s office, with your stupid shaggy hair and your ridiculous long legs, and that bulge – that fucking large bulge – in the crotch of your pants.”

Jared flushes. He remembers that day. Jeffrey’s office has glass walls, like the conference room they were in. Jared had been watching Jensen out of the corner of his eye, as Jeffrey talked about job duties and expectations. He had no clue who Jensen was, just that he was the hottest thing he had ever seen, a walking fucking wet dream that Jared planned to feature in many of his fantasies, including the one he was having right then. When Jensen had actually walked into the room, it was all Jared could do not to cover up the bulge he knew was there with his hands. Jensen had just sneered down at him and then asked Jeffrey where he picked up the Yeti, and the bitching between the two was off and running.

Now, seeing Jensen lick his lips like he is starving for Jared’s cock, Jared is afraid he is going to blow before Jensen’s lips even touch him.

“Don’t try to take over or I’ll stop.” Jensen warns, as he leans in so close his breath is warm against the tip of Jared’s cock. “I know what I’m doing.”

Jared bites back the retort that with lips like that he is sure Jensen does, because he really does not want to rile Jensen up with his teeth so close to Jared’s goods.

Jensen sucks cock like he fucks, there is no teasing, no attempt at gentleness. He takes Jared inside his mouth; Jared can feel his cock pressing against Jensen’s throat. Jensen sucks him down even further, deep into his throat and fuck, all that wet tight heat, nothing has ever felt so good. 

After everything Jensen has said to him, Jared is proud he has enough brain cells still firing to return the favor. “Such a slut for my cock aren’t you Jen? Look so good on your knees, taking me in so good.” 

Okay, he sucks at dirty talk, but Jensen’s face is flushed bright pink and it is a good color on him. Jared can feel Jensen’s tongue on the underside of his cock, licking and really Jensen should be gagging as far down his throat as Jared’s cock is, and Jared hadn’t been lying about being proportional, thank you very much. But he keeps Jared’s cock down deep, sucking him like his cock was the tastiest of lollipops. He rolls one of Jared’s balls with a hand and then the other and Jared can feel them tighten – 

Too soon, too soon. He wants this to last, wants to keep Jensen on his knees. Jensen looks up him through pretty eyelashes with a mischievous gleam in his eyes and he hums. Jared can feel the vibrations over his entire cock and his orgasm slams through him. Jared screams, and he is actually glad that they are alone on the floor, it is so embarrassingly loud. With lightning speed, Jensen pulls away from him, causing most of Jared’s heavy spray of come to hit Jensen in the face, covering his cheeks, eyelashes, some of it even lands in his hair

Jared is shaking with the force of the orgasm, but still has the enough wits to wish he had a camera on him, because if Jensen had been beautiful on his knees, Jensen covered with his come – that is something on another entire plane of pretty.

Jensen, of course, has to ruin the moment by grabbing Jared’s shirt and wiping the come off on it. 

“Ewww,” Jared says, pulling his shirt away from Jensen. It is now sticky and wet.

Jensen grins as he stands back up. “It was yours; I was just returning it to you.”

Jensen still has drops of Jared’s come in his hair, but no way is Jared going to point that out. Too bad it wouldn’t last until they got out of here, he would really love for Jensen to go to a bar or some other public place with Jared’s come still glistening in his hair.

Jared stands up too, and then grimaces. Now that his dick is not aching for release, his ass is reminding him that Jensen had really done a number on it.

Jensen smirks. “Going to be feeling me for days babe.” 

He looks way too proud of himself and Jared is about to come up with a clever retort – any second now – when he hears something down the hallway.

“Anybody here?” 

Jared startles and before he can move, because he is still standing there with his limp cock sticking out and his pants pulled down to his knees, he sees a man in a guard’s uniform approaching them.

Jensen stands in front of him, blocking the man’s view enough that Jared can pull up his pants. It is surprisingly gentlemanly of him.

It takes a few minutes to explain to the guy what happened, a few more for the guy to force open the lock, grumbling the entire time about dick-wad maintenance men, before they, are released from their Chad-made prison.

Jared gathers the papers and pens he had brought with him, the smushed water bottle forgotten on the floor.

“Well, see you Monday I guess.” Jensen says, as he heads in the direction of the elevator.

“Yeah, sure, see you.” Jared replies, hoping he sounds casual and not at all like a kicked puppy.

He picks up his backpack from his office, checks his phone for messages before placing it in his pocket (the only one was from Chad – with the word score following by random emoticons that Jared thinks probably mean something to Chad, and Chad only) before heading to the elevator himself.

He is surprised to see Jensen still standing there.

“Just realized, you never did give me those bullet points. I do need to be prepared for my meeting Monday.”

“That’s true,” Jared says, watching as Jensen pushes the elevator button. He had actually waited for Jared. “I guess I’m free tonight, if you are.”

“Got some crayons at home you can use to draw your pictures,” Jensen smiles. “Could order a pizza if you want.”

Jared snorts, as he follows Jensen into the elevator. “One? Three extra-large at least, and no fucking anchovies.”

Jensen mock shudders. “As if.”

For a bit, they watch as the elevator lights up the number of each floor of their descent.

“And then we can find out if you can last more than two pumps,” Jared says.

“You fucker.” Jensen replies, but he’s smiling big. “I wasn’t the one who came in three seconds flat.”

“I’m not the one that still has come in my hair.” Jared smirks, as they exit the elevator.

Jensen holds out his hand. Jared takes it. “I hear it’s better for your hair than conditioner.” Jensen retorts as they head out of the building into the cool night air.


End file.
